Disaster.
The first wave came in like a wall of cinderblocks, crashing everything in its path. It's moving inland , straight toward us. No dutch boy can save us now. Were done, but we have to at least try to get away. All five of us jump into the car, headed aimlessly west.
After a half of an hour of listening to the news on the radio, we find out that where we used to live, everything about our lives except for our bodies and what we grabbed before leaving, is gone. My computer is gone, my kitchen is gone, my bed, its all gone, not to be recovered. I always said that I would like to "start over" but this is not what I had in mind.
My whole family spends hours trying to call our friends, most don't pick up, which means that they are in a pretty bad situation, or they pick up, only able to inform us on how bad they are doing, but soon, we will be making our own distress call, the wave is moving inland, catching up to us.
The minutes feel like hours as we battle the wave for the rights of life, it eventually takes us over, but spares us. The next time that we accually have time to think, we are on top of a rooftop, but we aren't, were in our beds, dreaming of this, this cannot happen were in New England, were safe.
Just Remember, some people dont have the luxury to waking up and finding that disaster is only a dream, take Japan for a recent example.
Sean, this was really good!A lot of people don't realize how much of a crisis the earthquake and hopefully this woke those people up. I liked it a lot because it is a recent event that many people are fighting right now. In fact, there are hundreds of people driving to beat the wave like what was happening at the end. I think your last sentence/paragraph did a great job wrapping up. Although, add some figurative language to make it even better!
ReplyDeleteThis was a good piece of writing because you used writing tricks.For example "The first wave came in like a wall of cinderblocks." This made the story so much more disciptive and better. Therefore without yuo using any writing tricks this piece would have not nearly have been as good.
ReplyDeleteGood job sean! this was a good piece of writing because it shows what a tragedy the earthquake in Japan is. For example, I like how you said, "Just Remember, some people dont have the luxury to waking up and finding that disaster is only a dream." This was a good thing to put in there because after all of the written suspense of the dream, it makes people think of how scary it must be in Japan right now and that it may seem like a dream to us but it isn't for them. Therefore, it shows how tragic everything happening in Japan is.
ReplyDeleteyou did a good job of using some writing tricks like similes and expanded moments. it made this writing alot more interseting.
ReplyDeleteThis was a very good story for two reasons, it used good figurative language and it had to do with a current. You used good figurative language such as in line 1 when you had similes, "The first wave came in like a wall of cinderblocks". It really helped to describe the wave. Also i think the timing of the story with the tragic events happening in Japan made it a lot more interesting. Therefore, because you had similes and it had to do with a current event, it was good.
ReplyDeleteI thought this was well writen piece. I felt like I was actually in the story. I liked how you used figurative language and I liked how you compared the disaster to the tsunami In Japan
ReplyDeleteThis piece was really good and well written with many writing tricks. Some parts when you did a really good job was with the repetition when it states,"My computer is gone, my kitchen is gone, my bed, its all gone, not to be recovered," and the last two sentences were great too because it really makes you realize how fortunate we are to not be in that situation.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very good piece of writing. It was interesting because it was a recent event and you used some writing tricks to make it better. For example, the first sentance says, "The first wave came in like a wall of cinderblocks..." This got peoples attention from the beginning. Therefore, your use of figurative language made this a good piece of writing.
ReplyDeleteI like this piece because it really puts some things into perspective. Not everyone realizes the tragedy that happened in Japan. You wrote about and everyone who read probably felt pretty bad for the speaker. Then they realized that this is exactly whats happening. Therefore, I liked this piece because it shows what happened in Japan.
ReplyDeleteThis was a good peice of writing and used repetition effectivly because it reinforced your idea. For example, You wrote, "My computer is gone, my kitchen is gone my bed is all gone". This use of repetition made me think of how much was really lost. Therfore the the repitiotion was sucsessful because it strengthened your point.
ReplyDeleteThis piece was a good piece of writing because of some use of authors craft. "The first wave came in like a wall of cinderblocks, crashing everything in its path." This is an example of author's craft used because of the very good similie that starts the paragraph with a good, strong lead. Therefore, the authors craft in this story made it interesting and well written.
ReplyDeleteI liked this because you connected a recent event to the story. I feel like this story means more to people because of the tsunami in Japan even though I don't think everyone realizes how devastating it is over there. Your story really put it into words. I do think you could have added in more imagery though. It would have made this piece even better so even if someone hasn't seen the tsunami videos they could still picture what is going on in your story. Therefore since you brought a recent event your story was good.
ReplyDeleteThis was a good story because it realated to what is currently happening in Japan. They lost everything in the dream but in Japan they lost everything for real. Therefore I think that this story gives the message do not take what you have for granted because it could all be gone in a second.
ReplyDeleteI thought this piece was good, however the third paragraph was one big run on sentence, and there was a lot of word repetition. The third paragraph states, "My whole family spends hours trying to call our friends, most don't pick up, which means that they are in a pretty bad situation, or they pick up, only able to inform us on how bad they are doing, but soon, we will be making our own distress call, the wave is moving inland, catching up to us." There is not a single period and "bad" is repeated multiple times, which could easily have been avoided. Therefore, the only thing i did not like about this piece was the third paragraph because it was one long sentence with a lot of word repetition.
ReplyDeleteThis was very good. All the visual detail you put into this was very effective in the story. It was also great that you related this to the disaster that just happened in Japan. This story gives you an ide of how life is after a natural disaster like an earthquake or tsunami. Therefore this story was very effective in showing us how good we have it in New England.
ReplyDeleteSean, this was really good. As kristen said above this piece of writing really shows how tragic the earthquake was. And as said before adding a little figurative language could make it even better.
ReplyDeleteI thought this was a great story and I liked the topic. However, I think you could have added even more description. For example you wrote: "The first wave came in like a wall of cinderblocks, crashing everything in its path. It's moving inland , straight toward us." Instead of saying it crashed into everything, I think you could've have described buildings and houses getting destroyed. Also, instead of saying it was moving straight toward us, you could say how it was moving and what it was doing. Overall, this was a great topic to write a story on, just add a little more description so people can picture the wave clearly.
ReplyDeleteThis was good! I liked it because of how descriptive you were. For example you said "The first wave came in like a wall of cinderblocks, crashing everything in its path." This was a lot more descriptive and interesting to read rather than using a general statement. I also liked it because it had a good message, to be thankful for what you have. At the end you said "Just Remember, some people dont have the luxury to waking up and finding that disaster is only a dream, take Japan for a recent example." It makes you think twice about the disaster in Japan.
ReplyDeleteThis is really good, you used good writing tricks to make the piece more interesting. This piece shows that we should be lucky and grateful that the earthquake did not hit us. Just because earthquakes aren't likely to hit usm doesn't mean they won't.
ReplyDeleteI like how you connected this piece to current events. It was also suspenseful and interesting with the whole prospect of getting away before the wave came. We are lucky that things like tsunamis don't threaten us, like you said.
ReplyDeleteI like this a lot! It is really descriptive which makes it very easy to visualize. For example you said in the beginning, "The first wave came in like a wall of cinderblocks, crashing everything in its path. It's moving inland , straight toward us." I can almost see the major destruction that it is making. I agree with Luke; I also liked how you connected it to what's happening in Japan right now. Very nice job!
ReplyDeleteI liked this because you used good writing tricks. You used some figurative language in the begining and later on you repeated for effect. Therefore you used good writing tricks to make your story great. I also liked the message in the end about the Japanese and you're right. Some people are struggling with the tsunami.
ReplyDeleteThis was really good! I liked how you used writing tricks so the reader can have a better picture of what is going on in the story. I agree with Kristen, I really liked the last sentence because it wrapped up the story well. It made me think of how some people are less fortunate than we are because they live whe natural disasters happen often. Therefore, I liked this because it was descriptive and it makes you think about what happened in Japan.
ReplyDeleteI thought that this was good because it set the scene and helped me picture what was being described. For example, in one part of the story it said, "the first wave came in like a wall of cinderblocks, crashing everything in it's path…" this was a great writing trick that added to a lot of the description. Therefore, this was a wonderful story and a job well done Sean!
ReplyDeleteI thought this was a really good piece. It’s the kind of writing that makes you think after you read it. After I read it I wondered how the people in Japan suffered. Sure you can see the pictures and feel bad, but know one knows how the pain felt.
ReplyDeleteThis was really good i made me realize how scary it would be to go through what these people in Japan recently had to experience i cant even imagine losing everything and no longer having a home to go back to. This made me realize how lucky we are.
ReplyDeleteThis writing piece was great because of how connected to the world. For example, the biggest connection you made was back to Japan and how everything there is destroyed. Therefore, this writing had very good and true connections to it.
ReplyDeleteThis is great because it shows how you can connect to the crisis in japan by putting the character in someone else's position. You have the character dream that they are in Japan during the tsunami. This benefits to the story because everyone can connect to having a dream where you are in someone else's shoes.
ReplyDeleteAs soon as I read the first few sentences I knew it was about Japan. Anyway, this was a very good piece because it was connected well to our lives. At the end you talked about the Tsunami in Japan being just a dream for us, but real for them. Therefore, you connected it back to us well by using a dream instead of just saying that it could have been us. You made it sound like it could've actually happened to us in a bad dream, and that was interesting.Nice job.
ReplyDeleteThis was great because it shows how lucky we are to live in such an area that we do not have to deal with these kinds of natural disasters like Japan. In the story you said that "The next time that we accually have time to think, we are on top of a rooftop, but we aren't, were in our beds, dreaming of this, this cannot happen were in New England, were safe. Just Remember, some people dont have the luxury to waking up and finding that disaster is only a dream, take Japan for a recent example." Therefore, this story states that we should realize that we are lucky to live in a country that has huge natural disaters leaving thousands homeless.
ReplyDeleteThat was really good!!! I liked how it seemed just like a bad disater that could happen anyday, but then you connected it to the Japanese disaters! By the way, I really liked that clincher. It went from a story about "I" and then went to a more serious and ended really well!
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