I jumped off the tiny sail boat and into the water. It was so crystal clear I could see all the way to the bottom. I breathed in deeply and exhaled out of the oxygen tank. I took in the amazing view of schools of fish and dolphins. It was as beautiful as a famous painting in a museum. They all seemed to be heading in one direction. I made sure my scuba gear was secure and I followed them. They were heading into a cave the size of a whale. The hole going into the cave was tight, but I was positive I could fit through. “CREEK!” I looked behind me and found my oxygen tank slowly sinking to the sandy sea floor. I inhaled and my lungs filled with water. I tried to swim up, but my head hit the top of the cave. I swam for the hole in the side of the cave. I had to breath…..its been a minute already. It felt like it had been hours. I finally got to the hole and I swam so fast I could have been a fish swimming away from a shark. I started swimming up and up. Its been two minutes already. A few more minutes and I would be dead. I stared to see the afternoon sky and a few clouds. When I saw the sun, I liked the other way and closed my eyes. Another thirty seconds passed. I felt like I could pass out at any given moment. I looked up again, not caring about the sun. I was seconds from the surface. I looked down to see how far I had swan. My oxygen tank wasn’t even visible, and the cave was a pebble. Before I knew it, it was a grain of sand. Then I couldn’t even see it at all. Not even a second later I reached the surface. I took the deepest breath of my life. I never realized how much air could be appreciated. I spun around to find there was no land in sight. I guess I swam horizontally by mistake as I swan vertically. My stomach grumbled, only reminding me of my hunger. Maybe there would be a boat to rescue me with so much food there would be no room for people to sit. I swam forward, not really knowing if it was north, south, east, or west. I moved slowly and quietly. I didn’t want to exert all my energy at once and I didn’t want the fish and sharks and other sea creatures to notice me. I swam and swam for what seemed like hours, but it had only been a few minutes. They day went on, and I was cold, hungry, and as tired as a person who didn’t sleep for 48 hours. The sun started to set, and I started to see land in the distance. I swam even faster. I couldn’t really estimate the time it would take me to swim there, but I was positive I wouldn’t get there when it was still day time. I started to hear a motor. I turned around and wondered where it was coming from. In the distance, there was cruise ship that was lit up with so many different colored lights it looked like a Christmas tree. I stared screaming and I swam as fast as if could. It was no use. The ship’s motor was faster than I could swim and louder than I could scream. I kept on swimming toward the land. The sun stared to set and my prediction was right. It didn’t make a difference if I kept my eyes open or if I closed them. I decided to keep them open in case I saw the lights of another boat. I was tired, so I waded in the water and waited to be rescued. No one came. As the night went on, it became harder and harder to keep my head above the water. The large waves seemed to swallow me every minute or so. I knew I couldn’t fall asleep because I would sink and drown. I slowly continued toward land. I thought I felt fish rubbing against my body, but I was so afraid, it could have been my imagination. I could see the sun starting to rise. The land was so close I could see tiny details like people, and homes. I could be there in twenty minutes. Before I knew it, I was at the beach. People stared because you don’t see someone coming out of the ocean with a scuba suit everyday. I asked people where I was. They all said south eastern CT. It was hard to believe I swam all the way across CT. I wondered if it was even possible to swim that far in a day. I walked to the nearest grocery store and explained what had happened to the people working there. I told them a had no money, so they said I could have $10 dollars worth of food for free. I went back to the beach and ate until I was satisfied. I looked into the ocean and thought of my family. I eventually fell asleep and had a dream that everything was going to turn out alright.
I thought this piece was really good but I think you should have elaborated more at the ending. Also there were some details in there that I think shouldn't have been like when it says they gave me 10 dollars of free food. This isn't really important to the story and could have been left out.
ReplyDeleteOk thanks I will try to work on these problems the next time I write a story.
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