The body tries to commit suicide when its in a deadly situation. I learned this first hand.My heart was a rock thrown into water. it echoed against the inside of my ribs over and over. Clank, clank, clank. Over and over. the leaves under me did not dare to creak or crinkle.
"You can run but you cant hide!" Julian Millers was a convicted killer and he was now was after me. He was ruthless and just wanted the pleasure of another kill. those confident steps stalked ever closer to me.
"Come out come out wherever you are!" I peeked out of the tiny grove of wisp trees to catch a glimmer of his platinum hair in the Louisiana sun. here's where the body commits suicide, it tries to sneeze or cough or anything to give up its position. in my case it was a slight shake of my head that snapped a twig, and all hope snapped with it. Julian whirled in a flurry of cloth. i didn't waste a moment. i was out of the grove and into the swamp before he finished turning.
he trampled behind me like an elephant. they were faster than mine, a thousand times faster.
the final blow was like a whisper compared to all the panic and fear. just a simple throw and the knife was in my back. i collapsed into the sickly plants that covered the swamp. i just layed there, i knew i couldnt move. he crouched over me. "i told you you wouldnt tell the police." i stayed there though. i just layed there. he assumed i was dead, and moved on to the next murder. my heart knew i had to save the next kid no matter the cost. i dragged my unwilling body up and struggled out of that godforsaken swamp. my heart would not let me give up, it would not let me commit suicide.
This writing piece is so well written. i was reading through some of the other blog posts and this one stood out. I felt as if i was reading this from an actual book. very well written, cant wait to read some more. ;D !
ReplyDeleteThank you! :)
ReplyDeletethis is really well written! it was very suspense full and i loved your lead, it really made me what to read more.i also liked how you tied the ending back into the beginning.
ReplyDeleteThank you, that's a stragedy for endings.
ReplyDeletealot of fig. lang. realy good though, good plot, good description, it was easy to see what was happening. Also great ending, u can do a sequal to it and say how shes going to try to get him arrested
ReplyDeleteThis story was really good with all of the figurative language in it. Also, the lead was really good because i wanted to read on. The plot was really easy to follow so it wasnt confusing. Very good story!
ReplyDeleteThis was a very well written story. Good job. there was a lot of description and figurative language and it was a great plot. And its perfect because you CAN make a sequel to it. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI really liked this piece! It had great imagery in my opinion and good details. It was very suspenseful, which made me want to keep reading! I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT! Please write another one! :)
ReplyDeleteWOW! i loveddd thisss !! AMAZING JOB
ReplyDeleteThis was very suspence ful with a lot of strong detials and good imagery. Like brooke said i really want you to write another one
:)
yeah i agree with...everyone!! this is an amazing piece with even morea amazing fig. language!! I also agree with brooke and colleen that you should write another piece like this! vvverrry good kace!
ReplyDeleteThis was well written, along with everyone! The hooked grabbed me right away, can't wait to see what you write next!
ReplyDeleteThis had great show dont tell! You really are a talented writer!
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