A little bluebird
Went on its next journey
Up, down, high, low, left, right
In every direction
It could possibly think of
In search for something
Something better and worthwhile
But it just won’t give it a rest
And give up
Stubbornness fills its veins
Pulsing with hope
To find that something
Worth living for
Was your theme something about not giving up/following your dream? Anyway, this poem made me think of spring time, and pretty flowers and stuff. But the tone is sort of depressing :( But it was still really good!
ReplyDeleteThis poem is well written because you had a bit of suspense in it. For example, you told us that the bird was searching for something but you didn't tell us what it was until the end (something to live for) It is also intangible. Therefore, you made us wait until the end to find out your purpose, and you also threw a curveball to me because I thought it would be tangible. The blue bird is probably symbolism
ReplyDeleteI think this is a good poem, however, i think you can show more than tell. I think that the last stanza of the poem could have been shown more. Other then that, I think that this is a well written poem. I agree with Nicole that it does have kind of a depressing tone because is says that the bird has nothing to live for, but it was still really good.
ReplyDeleteI think this was a good poem but i have to agree with Devin, it should show more than tell. For example, other than the one that Devin pointed out, in the third stanza it said, "Something better and worthwhile But it just won’t give it a rest And give up." This could have been shown instead of told to make the reader think. Therefore, this poem should show not tell that the bird was desperatly searching for something worth living for.
ReplyDeleteWhy did you pick blue bird for this poem? I think that it was very good but could be improved by showing a not telling. For example "But it just won’t give it a rest
ReplyDeleteAnd give up" Isn't need because on your last couple of stanzas when you say about the stubborness filling him up and him never stopping but using imagery. Therefore I think you could improve your poem by leaving more up to the reader and take out that line. It was really good though!
I agree with Jess, George, and Devin because you did a lot telling instead of showing and the last line gave it away but i also like it because it had good shift. In the beginning you made the bird be happy and adventurous and then at the end the blue bird became like a raven and was depressed and searching for something. Therefore, i think your poem was good and had great shift but i would have been better if you got rid of the telling and replaced it with showing.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with everyone else this was not that this was a great poem, but it was a good poe because you only told towards the beginning. In the beginning of the poem you were telling me that the bluebird was searching for something, but then in the last stanza you made me think since you did not tell me what exactly was going on with the blue bird. Therefore this was a good poem
ReplyDeleteThis poem was pretty good; however there is only one thing that i did not like. I think this poem would be a lot better if you were to get rid of the first two lines because they summarize what is happening, and just states what the bird is doing. The first two lines say, "A little bluebird Went on its next journey." That line summarizes what will happen in the poem right off the bat, and those two lines do not create much interest in the reader either, since that is your opening/ lead. Therefore, this poem was well written, don’t get me wrong, i just think it would be even better if you got rid of the first two lines because they tell the reader what is going to happen and it is not even that interesting.
ReplyDelete