When
I remember when you cared
When you and I were the ones at the park instead of you and them
When I was the first one you would go to
When we would laugh and smile with each other
When I wasn’t left alone
Do you remember?
I remember when you cared
When you and I were the ones at the park instead of you and them
When I was the first one you would go to
When we would laugh and smile with each other
When I wasn’t left alone
Do you remember?
Okay, well this is okay, but it really isn't a poem if we use the definition that Mr. Horvath gave us in class because there isn't really an implicit meaning. You stated exactly what you meant instead of using symbolism and imagery to get across your theme. Since the meaning was explicit, it was not a poem, and therefore not great.
ReplyDeleteSince Mr. Horvath gave us expectations on how to write a poem, this is not really a poem. Just like Jenny said, this is an explicit meaning and it needs to be implicit. I think that if you used writing tricks and made this "poem" implicit, it would have been much better.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Kevin and Jenny. A poem has figurative language, symbolism and much more. yours doesn’t met Mr. Horvath’s guidelines. It could be better
ReplyDeleteI really like the topic that you picked for this poem and the way you came at it but if you just add some figerative langauage and some good writing tricks like alliteration it will be very good. Therefore this poem can come out good if you work on it.
ReplyDeleteto be honest i agree with kevin because this is just an explicit meaning. although i didnt really like this as a poem i thought the repetition was well used and helped add effect. therefore i have mixed thoughts towards this poem because there are both bad and good features to it
ReplyDeleteIf you used something to symbolize the thing that didnt care then ai think it would have been better. YOu could also add figurative language to make it better. It had good repition.
ReplyDeleteI agree with everyone saying this isn't a poem. It doesn't seem like it has a theme. I'm guessing the theme topic is friendship, but then the poem is taking the topic too literal. It is a good idea though and I think you could make a great poem from this if you think a lot about it.
ReplyDeleteThis is an okay poem. It is not bad but not very good at the same time because i am unable to find a deep meaning in it. The theme is not a deep meaningful one but there is a theme in the poem. I think that the theme is that all people have regret. Therefore that may be a theme but it is not a good one so this is a just okay poem.
ReplyDeleteThis poem was decent it needs some improvement, like kevin and jenny said you need to have an implicit meaning and also you need to add some figurative language. Another thing i did not like is that the poem was basically telling me i did not have to think about what was going on in the poem. But what i did like about this poem it seemed to flow well. the repetition of the word when helped create that flow. Therefore this was an okay poem.
ReplyDeleteI thought this was an alright poem because it has emotion .For example it states,"I remember when you cared When you and I were the ones at the park instead of you and them." this kinda makes me feel sad and not needed.there fore this shows that this poem was ok because it has an emotion to it because i remember is like looking into the past and what it used to be and it gives it a sad emotion to it.
ReplyDeleteI thought this was ok, but a poem is supposed to have images that help the reader visualize it more, and it should have a meaning beyond the literal. I agree with Nick, it does have emotion when you said, "I remeber when you cared, when you and I were the ones and the park instead of you and them." Also, you had some alliteration like, "When we would." Therefore, this was an ok poem because it had emotion and some alliteration.
ReplyDeleteJust to let all of you guys know, not all poems in the whole entire world go through Horvath's criteria. You guys are all shutting down this poem and being like, "this is not a poem, therefore it isn't good.". I think it is a great start to a poem. Maybe you can add something about a playground or swings as symbolism since you mention being at a park.
ReplyDeleteI thought the topic of this poem was very good but the way you put it into a poem wasn't good because you had know poetic device or figurative language. Therefore, you can make this a very well written poem if you just work with poetic device.
ReplyDeleteI think that this poem has a deep and thoughtful topic, but at the same time it is very literal. I think it is a good poem, but maybe if you added some symbolism or something to it, then it would be even better. Therefore, it was a good poem but could be better.
ReplyDelete