So vast
It stretched the world
Three times over
Without a tear
Have you seen love
Translate eyes
Into the night sky
During a asteroid storm
Have you heard love
Crawl into your ears
And lull
You to oblivion
Away from the harsh day
Have you tasted love
That set your teeth
On edge
Tingling through your jaw
Like chewing on tin
Have you felt love
Slip inside
Past your ribcage
And reside next to your heart
Have you loved
So much
You didn't need words?
Just some words I thought to put together driving home from the art store/bookstore
(it wont put spaces between the stanzas. its supposed to be divided by the 'have you..'. each of those is a new stanza..)
I thought this was a great poem because I felt all the sensory details you had. In the story you said, "like chewing on tin." I have chewed tin and it does have a weird feeling which I felt as soon as I read it. So, I really liked this poem because I was able to feel everything you wrote.
ReplyDeleteI like how in this poem you took something intangible (love) and then described it in using the five senses. Like tasting love and it trembling through your jaw like chewing on tin. I think its really great how you took something like that and connected it to love, which is why I really like this poem.
ReplyDeleteI liked this poem a lot. It makes you think and i really like how you incorperated the five senses. For example you say "have you seen love, have you tasted love...ect. Because you are asking questions throughout the poem, i think you should put a question mark at the end of the line. Otherwise very nice job!
ReplyDeleteThe poem was very good in my opinion because of the excellent use of the five senses. There were many great examples, one of them, "Have you felt love, Slip inside, Past your ribcage, And reside next to your heart." I felt like i could actually feel the love slip inside me past my ribcage and resting beside my heart. Which, in my opinion, shows great use of the five senses, touch in the example. Therefore, since I felt like i was experiencing love through the use of the five senses, your story was very good because of that reason.
ReplyDeleteI thought this poem was really good because you could clearly imagine what that feeling would be like, in other words using the 5 senses. For example you wrote "like chewing on tin". That would explain how what it felt like to have that feeling. Therefore this poem was great. You did a really good job!
ReplyDeleteThis was a really good poem. I like how deep you dug into the concept of love and you explained it in a creative way. Well done.
ReplyDelete