Cold showers,
Long nights.
Blocking the pain.
Trying to fight.
A row of dominoes,
Knocked down by one.
When the battle's ended,
It's just begun.
No escape to relieve,
No soul to pour,
Trapped in darkness,
With
light
no
more.
Wow I really liked this becasue of the rhyming and the reality of this poem. For example when you say," Cold showers, long nights. Blocking the pain, Trying to fight". This really speaks a lot to me because we have all gone through hard times when all you did was take cold showers and were sad all day. Therefore I really enjoyed this poem because of the reality that spoke to me through the poem.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you Kaitlyn! This was an awesome poem and I think I liked it because of the rhyming also. For example, "No escape to relieve,
ReplyDeleteNo soul to pour, Trapped in darkness, With light no more." This is what I call a good use of rhyming. In some poems people rhyme just because they think that is what poetry is about so it sounds kind of 'corny'. But, in this poem, it just fit... it was meant to be a rhyming poem because of how in depth it was not because it was 'corny' (which it wasn't at all). Therefore, this was a great use of rhyming in poetry... it really meant something. It was deep. It was good.
I really liked this poem. I liked it because it had meaning in it. An example of this is when she says, "Cold showers, long nights. Blocking the pain, trying to fight". When I read this i could feel the pain and sadness. Therefore, The meaning really got making me fall in love with this poem! Great job marmar!:)
ReplyDeleteI agree with kaitlyn, I really liked this poem because it is very realistic. For example in the text it says, "Cold showers, Long nights." We have all had days when all we want to do is sit at home and do nothing because we are sad or something. Therefore, this poem is very realistic, which makes it good, nice job.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Zack because it is very realistic. In the story it says, "Long nights.
ReplyDeleteBlocking the pain." We all had those nights were we tried to forget what went wrong. As you can see this piece is very realistic and good.
I liked this poem because it was very descriptive and realistic. It was descriptive when you said, "A row of dominoes; knocked down one by one; when the battle's ended; it's just begun." This is decriptive because you use a simile to help describe the picture. This poem is realistic because I think that everyone can relate to being sad and thinking that you will never be able to get rid of the pain. Therefore, this is a good poem because it is relatable and very descriptive.
ReplyDeleteThanks guys! I agree with all of you, and how your saying this can be connected with by anybody because we all feel sorrow. I wrote this poem for the times when I feel really sad or I just have something bringing me down. Do you have any constructive criticism though??
ReplyDeleteI like what Joey M. said. He states that this poem could be brought to the real world because we all have nights were we can't sleep because we are worried what will hapen tomorrow and what will eventually happen to us because something must have gone wrong and messed us up a little. This poem is showing that and not telling it which is good. Therefore, this poem is great for maybe imagery and especially theme.
ReplyDelete