Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Good Morning Sunshine
This morning I woke up from my alarm clock, Ding, ding, ding. I pressed the 'Snooze' button, closing my eyes once again. Moments later it decided to go off again. That time I covered my ears with my pillow, blocking out the annoyance of the beep. My mom never allowed that, she walked in checking to see if I was awake. She switched on the lights, blinding my eyes even though they were closed. She saw me in my bed and yelled my name over the alarm clock, thinking I was still fast asleep. She thought for a moment then took hold of my ankles tugging me from underneath the duvet cover. I thought fast and grabbed onto the head of my bed, half asleep. She finally gave up and dropped me back on the bed, walking over to the alarm clock, searching for the off button. I decided since she couldn't find it, I would help her. I scrambled out from under my covers, reaching over to the side table, finally shutting off the loud beep. I looked at her with a disappointed look. Finally she said, "Good Morning Sunshine," then walked out the door way. I sighed and then fell back into bed.
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I think this story was good because it was descriptive about what was happening. "That time I covered my ears with my pillow, blocking out the annoyance of the beep." This was one of the many descriptive sentences from "Good Morning Sunshine." This story was good and well written because of the descriptive sentences.
ReplyDeleteThis piece was okay because you had some writing tricks. For example, the whole story is an expanded moment! Also, there were some delayed adjectives, like, "... head of my bed, half asleep." The use of writing tricks made the story more interesting. However, next time, you should show show actions (like your mom not allowing sleeping in) instead of saying them,
ReplyDeleteThis piece was good. It had one giant descriptive moment with some delayed adjectives like Jenny said. This is the every day morning for me so I can connect to it. So overall it was a good piece.
ReplyDeleteWell, this story was okay. There wasn't really much to it. There were a few writing tricks but I didn't really see where the piece was going though. It also didn't have a strong theme that I saw. You can improve this piece! Other than that, it was average.
ReplyDeleteThis was a pretty good story. I liked how you had a couple of writing tricks in there and because the whole story seemed as if it was an expanded moment it was pretty good. The only advice I have is to maybe put a little more emotion and action into your writing to make it more interesting! Over all pretty good job.
ReplyDeleteThis was a good story. It was a little choppy but other then that it was good because of all the writing tricks. It was a little boring at times but if you added in more emotion and made it longer it would be a great piece.
ReplyDeleteThis piece was good because it had writing tricks and it was very descriptive. For example, the whole story was like an expanded moment, and "Ding, ding, ding" is an onomatopoeia. The sentence where you said, "That time I covered my ears with my pillow, blocking out the annoyance of the beep. " was really descriptive. Although, you could use more transitions because some parts were a little choppy. Overall, this story was good because you could know exactly what she was doing.
ReplyDeletethis is really good. it is easily relatable. i bet alot of people go through this every day when they have to get up for school.
ReplyDelete