Tuesday, November 2, 2010

The Fire

The lights flashed. I stared at them transfixed. “What was going on” I thought. “Julia, are you awake” a strange voice said. “It’s going to be ok.” I tried to respond but my throat felt like a knife was shoved down it. I turned my head to look around and saw that I was in the back of an ambulance. Then a clear mask covered my face and I fell into a deep, dark sleep.
“Julia, Julia please wake up!” a familiar voice said. My eyes flickered open like a light bulb that was about to go out. “Mom!” I said as I realized who it was. She burst into tears and hugged me. “What happened” I asked. My voice was hoarse and raspy. “You were in a fire” she said in a whisper. “Don’t you remember Julia?” I thought back to yesterday and was frightened by the image that popped into my head.
The flames were yellow, orange, and red. Hot like the sun. My brother max was lying on the ground, engulfed in flames. “Julia” he screamed. I reached for him but the flames licked my skin hungrily. I screamed in pain, stumbling till I hit the floor. I could hear the sirens getting closer and closer. “Help” I screamed!
“Julia, are you ok.” I was snapped back into reality by my mom. Tears rolled down my face. “Is max dead” I choked out. My mother started crying. “Yes” she whispered.

4 comments:

  1. I thought this was really good because it had a lot of figurative language in it and it made you want to read on. You used a flashback which made the story more interesting because you figure out what happened to the main character, Julia, before she was in the ambulance.

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  2. I really liked this story. It had a lot of similes and even some personification. I liked that she showed what happened instead of just telling what was going on.

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  3. I really liked this story. I liked how there was a flashback. I agree with kelly. It really made the story more interesting. I thought at the end of the story that there could have been more emotion instead of just saying yes. But other than that I thought that it was a great story.

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  4. thanks for the feedback! i'll try to improve and add more emotion in my piece next time.

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