Saturday, January 1, 2011
Lost At Sea
Back and forth and back and forth. The rocking movements of the ship have been going on for days and James was starting to doubt that he would ever be saved from this endless torture. James was out a few days ago just for a cruise when a storm hit and sent him way out into the middle of the ocean leaving him with a busted up boat and an endless array of water. James was hungry and with no food it started to feel as if his stomach was eating him alive, but with no way of getting food he was just left there to die. All james could think about was his wonderful family and how he may never get to see them again and all the bad things that he should have done better in life.Then, all of the sudden james awoke in his bed with drops of sweat all over his face. It was only just a dream and was free to live with his family and hopefully never expierence an event like that ever again.
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This story was pretty good. I think it should have been a little more descriptive to make it more interesting.
ReplyDeleteI wish you made it longer. This was really good at the beginning, but I feel like you got bored and gave up. It is a good idea, you just need to expand it.
ReplyDeleteI agree, it was a little short. I would have enjoyed it more if you included more description of what actually happened. and i think that you could have come up with a better ending than it was all just a dream. The topic was good though.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with what others are saying. It was short and not very descriptive. I think that it could be developed more and be better. I don't like the ending because to me, it pretty much said, "...and then he woke up."
ReplyDeleteThis was really good. I agree with Nicole that it should be longer. YOu could make this story really suspensful. It needs a few more details though.
ReplyDeleteI thought this piece was pretty good! You need to give more detail though, and maybe use an expanded moment. If you work on making it longer, then i think it could be better. As caroline said, i don't think it should end as a dream. Overall, good job!
ReplyDeleteI thought this piece was good. But you should make it a little longer then it already is.
ReplyDeleteThis story was good Will. I thought it had a little taste of suspense in it. Maybe some specific sensory detail will do the trick. I can make a connection to this story to the movie Cast Away. The same exact thing happens to Tom hanks in Cast Away. He gets lost at sea and begins to get worried to what will happen to him. He regrets all the things he does and want to start fresh again in his life.
ReplyDeleteI thought this was a good story, but it was short and didn't have a lot of discription. If you happened to do these thing make it a little longer and more dicriptive then it think that this story would have been really good.
ReplyDeleteI wish you had made it longer, it was kind of like you just gave up because you ran out of ideas. That is also why I think you went with the "It's a dream" ending that is a little elementary. But, I did like the storyline. It would have been better if it was longer!
ReplyDeleteI don't think there is anything wrong with how short it is. I do think though that the ending could be a little more clever then it just being a dream. Leaving a cliff hanger of weather he made it or not would have been fine.
ReplyDeleteThis was a very good story. It could have been more descriptive about the land and boat. If you would have ended it in suspense about what would happen, it would have left a good cliff hanger at the end.
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