Saturday, January 8, 2011
Questions
He hid in the dark. He wasn't going to confess to what he did. He just did it. He even enjoyed it. But no matter how he felt he had to keep moving, keep hiding. But there was always that one question that no matter how far he ran, it echoed in his mind. The question was never whether he regretted what he did or whether the quilt ate him up. The question that kept him up, planning his next move, was whether or not his latest dirty deed was dirty enough.
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This could probably be continued into a longer story. Make sure to check for typos next time, but it was pretty good. You could try using a different word for question, too, to help readers more interested. But good job overall!
ReplyDeleteI think this story is talking about a rebel who always wants to be as tough as he can be. He always wants to be an outlaw and do bad things. That's what you made methink in this story.
ReplyDeleteThis is a good story that should and hopefully us a longer writing piece because it is such a cliffhanger that makes you wonder what the question that he is asking himself is and what did he do that is making him ask this question. I think and hooe that you will make this a longer story
ReplyDeleteI have to say I disagree with Adam and Jenny. I do not think it should be made into a longer story. I don't think that because if the reader found out what the dirty deed was, then it would give away the whole point of being left hanging. Ted, if you have another good way to leave the reader hanging, other than the way you just used, then go for making it longer. If not, leave it. I like it the way it is personally.
ReplyDeleteYea i agree with kristen. I think that if you kept on adding to the story it would loose the short and sweet suspense effect.
ReplyDeleteWow this was really good! I loved that the story actually had an effective lead and clincher. The only thing I would do differently is take out the sentence that says, "The question was never whether he regretted what he did or whether the quilt ate him up." I don't think it was necessary to include that sentence because it does not do anything to the story.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Kristen and Anna that you shouldn't extend this story because i know that you were going for a "cliff-hanger" and that is exactly what it is; it kept me hanging and asking questions. For example, the last sentence, "The question that kept him up, planning his next move, was whether or not his latest dirty deed was dirty enough." left me thinking and questioning if he thought it was dirty enough or not. Therefore, it was a great ending and you should not make it longer because I do not know how you would leave me questioning again which is what I would want.
ReplyDeleteThis story is very suspenseful which is a good thing but, i think you should've made it a little longer because it could be a well developed story. You could've explained what the character did also so it would have been easier to understand what you're trying to say and so that your story would have more of a plot to it because right now your story doesn't have a plot.
ReplyDeleteTed I think you did a great job but to make this story even better I think Jenny is right because if you use a different word for question it would make the story more interesting to readers because it makes it more suspenseful.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Jenny, this could have expanded more into a longer story. I did think this was good though and had some suspense in it. I want to see what would happn to this kid in his future. Good story though. Maybe some figurative Language?
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate the feedback. Everything you guys said was useful. I'll see if there is a way I could make it longer and still keep the suspense and other stuff. Sorry about the typo. That's a pretty embarresing mistake considering it said "quilt" instead of "guilt". Thanks for pointing it out.
ReplyDeleteYeah this was a good short story. It was interesting because i kept guessing as to what the question was before i got to the end. But deffinetly make this a story, it would be very suspenseful because of the dirty deed that the character did.
ReplyDeleteThis was a really mysterious story that only made me want to hear more. I liked how it kept the question in his mind a secret. The last sentence when he was wondering if his latest deed was dirty enough was sort of the twist of the story because it makes you wonder about the character and the reader wants to know if the protagonist is good or bad.
ReplyDeleteThis is a really good story. I was hooked from the beginning. I am still wondering what he did and what he will do. I hope this is made into a longer story so i can find out what happened.
ReplyDelete