Sunday, November 28, 2010
His scar on his face told you he seen it all. His build reminded you that a passed ball would never happen and if a ball got loose it was your fault. He didn't care what type of special change-up you threw or about your funky breaking ball. He didn't care you where a playing up and pitching for his team. He just cared that he was catching. He never gives signs so when you got shelled he didn't look bad. Jack knew he was in trouble when he saw his new catcher.
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I like how you put the whole passage from the pitchers point of view, but it wasn't about the pitcher at all. It showed the fear the pitcher had of the catcher and how he was handling. Overall it was a decent passage becasue there couldve been a little more detail
ReplyDeleteThis was a great desciption of a person. This was a great way to work on your writing goal also because you focused one one person the entire paragraph
ReplyDeleteThis was a great expanded moment. It described the whole look of the look of the catcher and the feeling of the pitcher.
ReplyDeleteYea, that was a good expanded moemnt. Your story is very understandable, and is also intresting since its about baseball. I like the opening sentence becasue it amde me read on to figure out who you were talking about. Good job, Tyler.
ReplyDeleteIt was a great expanded moment. I think its great how you practiced your goal and put it on the blog.
ReplyDeleteIt is great that you practiced your writing goal on the blog. This paragraph gave me a mental image so, it is an expanded moment. Good job Tyler.
ReplyDeleteI agree that this a great expanded moment. I especially liked how you started out talking about the scar on his face. It really showed how intimidating he must have looked. This is a great example of showing and not telling.
ReplyDeleteGreat writing piece. Good expanded moment it really painted a picture of the characters face. I think it is really smart of you to put this on the blog.
ReplyDeleteYeah this is good, I liked how you went into how intimidating this character was. To make it even better you could have described his looks a bit more (focusing on his scar) to make his image scary as well.
ReplyDelete