The question echoed in my head, a bell strike that corresponded with the thu-thump of my heart. Would you destroy something perfect in order to make it beautiful?
It is a hard fact that perfect did not always equal beautiful. Sometimes beauty is in the imperfections, the little mishaps. People think that they have beauty down to a math, where they can calculate the perfect dimensions of a face, and those dimensions would make it beautiful. Perfect is fitting the exact need for the purpose, but beauty will serve better than perfect will.
I lived in a "perfect" world. no one wanted for anything, no one needed anything, no one had to worry. Everyone had all they needed, and never felt the need to reach for more. No one was selfish or stole, because what could you covet when you had everything you would ever need?
I wasn't happy with this. I wanted something to aspire to. I wanted to know I could make myself great.
My dream came in a little package, wrapped with a big, burgundy bow. It sat patiently on the porch, like a dog waiting to be let in. I plopped it on our perfect mahogany table and with a quick snap of my wrist, undid the perfect bow. The tidy rose wrapping rested on the table. I cut the box apart and inside was only a single envelope. The elegant envelope was a easy champagne color with accents of blush. The movement to sever the ribbon at the back of envelope was like the crack of a dry, dry twig, long dead and only held together by the deathly organisms eating it. I pulled out the refined and cultured looking letter and began to read.
my heart stopped at that moment, and wouldn't start again until my revolution began.
i will continue this, i just dont have time now, but any helpful suggestions before part 2?
ReplyDeleteI would suggest to keep it like this and not write anymore, it doesn't have to go any farther.And by the way, I say yes.
ReplyDeleteNo, Maya she should definitely continue this. It sounds like it has good potential and I think it could end up a really great short story. Oh, and I don't know if I should know the answer to this already, but why is it called Sing? Am I missing something here?
ReplyDeleteI agree with Lian.D, Kace you should continue it. I would love to know what is inside the envelope, and if it has any value to the title what so ever. I just don't see how the word sing fits into the passage. You could have picked a better title.
ReplyDeleteI also think you should continue it so we can find out what is in the envelope. Also, I don't understand how the title relates the story so if you decide to continue it, you should include something that relates to the title.
ReplyDeleteWell the title makes perfect sense, see its a title of a song and on the front of the single it says "Would you destroy something perfect in order to make it beautiful?" and as for continuing it I think that if you wanted to make this a story type of thing you would continue but if kace simply wants to enlarge the quote a bit and force the reader into thinking a little more then they would when they originally read this then i would vote for keeping it the way it is. Truthfully i feel that the quote may be lost to the reader in the story no matter how amazing kase will write it because we as readers are attracted to the character and their problems, it takes a skilled reader to jump right to theme and fully interpret it without being assigned the task.
ReplyDeleteI think you should definitly write more kace and after what maya said...I totally get the title but could you expand on it? because it really does not make any sense if you haven't seen maya's post that is just before mine. Overall, very good piece of writing Kace! good job
ReplyDeleteFirst off, just to say it's really good, and secondly I think you could expand, talk more about the main characters feelings and what the main character thinks about the world, and what the difference is between a perfect world and a beutiful one. Also, like they said before me, explain the title a little more so people will understand easier.
ReplyDeleteI think you should definitly continue with this story because I want to find out what was in the envelope. Also I think you should expand a little more on the title and some way connect it a liitle better to the story. Overall this was a really good piece!
ReplyDeleteWow. Did not expect to come home and see this. My plan with this is to use the quote to jump off of. Kinda like the quote is the theme and Im writing a story for it. But thank you all for the compliments. If you've ever seen the movie fight club you might understand where I'm going...
ReplyDeleteHmmm... I have to say I agree with Maya and disagree with everyone else!! I think if you add an eding to this, it would affect the piece negatively. I like how after you read it, you want to hear more. Leave it at that. You could elaborate before the ending but I would keep the ending. Overall, a very clever, well thought out piece! Great job.
ReplyDeleteWow. Kacey-lee i think you have a lot of potential. I love the ending for a short story i think its perfect (beautiful) but i think if you wanted to make it into a large writing piece like a small chapter book i think its a great base and i am sure you'd come up with an awesome plot. I thought the title was simple and made me want to read it; after reading it i thought because of the revolution it was like sing, let your voice be heard. loved it:D
ReplyDeleteYay! Someone got my title!! So happy!
ReplyDeleteI really liked this story! It connected with a lot of other books about people that dont like the world that they live in. But, on the subject of continuing, I don't think that you should. I like the ending of it and it kind of has a final feeling to it, like nothing is connected. It was really cool becuase it kind of seemed as if a famous author had written it because it has that popular storyline of the person who is not happy with the way their life/town works.
ReplyDeleteWow! This was a really great piece! I don't think you should add onto it though because adding more onto a story sometimes can actually make it become too much.
ReplyDeleteI really think you should continue to write this story. Its really good and I would love to read more. I got a little confused at the end of the story with all the detail about the package and opening it. Other then that it was a really good.
ReplyDelete