The battle was won the was not.
many were killed, and their blood was spilled.
as thick as syrup it hustled down the hill we call life, they had naught to lose.
their uniform was a red shirt with black-as-night pants and blue steel-toed shoes.
this country was nicknamed the big melting pot,
America, known for its fabled dreams.
the war is raging battles everywhere there are coming to an end.
The war of day is over and its off to the period of night.
the moon is out, the stout problems of day melt away in to the comfort of your home.
those who make it are felicitous that their wagers came out to be for the best.
it's off to sleep see you at day.
Well..I think this wasen't the strongest piece of poety you could have written. It didnt really catch my eye other than the title, i feel like when you make a title you should have it go with teh passage a little more. I feel like you hvae such a great title and that made me want to read it but then when i read your passage i was disippointed. Better luck next time!
ReplyDeleteI liked the story and thought you used good figurative language, but I agree with coleen that your title should have went with the story more.
ReplyDeleteit kind of does you just have to look carefully at the end
ReplyDelete