I sit in the corner
cowering, hiding my face
from your hideous yells
"Stop!"
My scream was not heard
Through the sounds of broken glass
And shattered memories
Like a fight between a cat and a dog
I never knew if it would end
"Please, you`ll regret this!"
They knew how I felt
As if they were in my mind
Interrupting my thoughts
With their own regards
"Please! Stop!"
I didn`t know any better
It`s been going for only minutes
But it feels like a decade
The tragic words
The crash and clangs of glass
Now finally, the car door slamming
"Not again..."
Rushing up to the window
The crystal stained with chips and cracks
Showed it had been witness
to our last moments together
It had felt the pain of two hearts
Once together
Now apart
This is a good piece of writing. It leaves you hanging at the end and you wonder what is going on. I enjoyed reading it and hope that you may write another story like it but this time with an ending.
ReplyDeleteThis was a good piece of writing because it was short enough to keep the reader's interest and it kept me hooked because of the action.
ReplyDeleteI liked the ending of the story and how it left us thinking but I didnt exactly get what the whole poem was about as a whole. Also when you said " like a fight between a cat and dog" I think you could have used different/better word choice to make it just a little bit more effective.
ReplyDeleteI agree with colleen i am not sure what the poem was about. but you did a good job and nice uses of similes. It wasn't to log and it didn't get boring. I liked it
ReplyDeleteThis is a good piece of writing. You used similies, and kept it short enough to keep the reader interested. Also, the ending left us hanging. Nice poem.
ReplyDeleteThis was a good peice of writing. I like how you never really told the reader what is going on. As Adam said, It left you hanging.
ReplyDeletethroughout the whole poem i was wondering wat was going on. then at the end i think i get wat happens im not so sure though. it left me thinking wat actually did happen.
ReplyDeleteI thought that this poem was pretty good. And for the people who don't really know what it's about, I think it is talking about a time when a father and daughter get into a fight about something that has happened many times before, but this time it's the worse. Because it is so bad the father starts smashing things and getting really angry. Then eventually he just leaves. The only thing that I was really confused about was the part where it said,"...they knew how I felt..." and where it kept talking about they. Who is they???
ReplyDeleteAs other people said, I didn't really get what the poem as a whole was about, but i like the ending because it left me wondering what was going to happen next.
ReplyDeleteYea the same as other people, I didn't really get the poem, but you did a good job with the use of similes and you have a good clincher at the end.
ReplyDeleteI thought it was good to never say what was going on but you can infer something accurate and sufficient. I think the placement of the person talking and then descriptions about the very moment but you break it up in the first and last paragraph. I thought it was well written with the perfect amount of description because you keep the reader interest and asking questions by having an amount of description that wasn't too much or too little.
ReplyDeletethis was strait forward, but good. i love the last line, though you can always improve on work if the last thought you put in the readers head is stunning then your ok and my last thout for this was wow.
ReplyDeleteone thing really stood out to me, the lines "Through the sounds of broken glass
ReplyDeleteAnd shattered memories" i loved how you put those two things together, almost making a simile out of the two lines, but not quite a simile. that was my favorite part.
This is good. it took me a couple times to really understand the basic of it. It is short which makes it even better. It does leave me hanging with a good clincher.
ReplyDeleteThis is a good poem. I did need to read this poem a few times to grasp the concept. Then I understood it and it was a good piece. It was short too which makes it better and easier to get through.
ReplyDelete