This is a poem i have yet to finish, i have the beginning and the end but i need a middle. Tell me what you think it needs so i can find the missing ingredient.
FIRST PART
When eyes reveal their color
the sun drips down my spine.
The road ahead lays black,
but still my sight is blind.
LAST PART
Tomorrow will never come,
for tomorrow is today.
Yet still I may find sight
when tomorrow comes my way.
I think your saying that the road ahead is undetermined and although u may not be able to see what's ahead of you once you are at that point of time you'll be able to make those choices. So, in the middle of your poem you could talk about how your life isn't pre-determind and if you continue with hope and strength you can always find you're way no matter how difficult it may seem to carry on.
ReplyDeleteI also agree with Elise2610 that the road ahead is undertermined. This is like a poem/short story I read lest year where a man had two trails to take and he didnt know whick one to take.
ReplyDeleteWhat I notice is a stark contrast between the speaker's attitude in the first and last stanza. This means that throughout the rest of your poem you will need to do one of two things: 1. You must slowly build the positive into the speakers thoughts through increasinly light and positive imagery or 2. You must have single flash/moment where the speaker learns a deep truth and changes because of it...just a thought!
ReplyDeleteI like how the poem sounds it has a nice flow to it. I think that you should add emotions how the character feels, and how much he/she wants to be able to see the world in more than black and white. It would make the reader connect to the character not because he/she is blind but on how they feel and how the reader has felt the same way.
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