Everywhere I go
poreclain faces follow
so beutiful, yet so fragil
painted with delicate care
to hide the painstaking fragments
of their seemingly perfect lives
In the whipped whispered winds
the foundation of imperfections lie
leisurely expanding the cracks of shattered china
leisurely expanding the cracks of shattered china
threatening these porcelain faces
to freely live
or dutifully die
This was an excellent poem! I liked how you used an alliteration, and especially the flow of it all. When you read this out loud it had a nice rhythm. It also had some good hidden meanings, but I didnt get what you meant by the faces follow you? Good poem though!
ReplyDeleteTHEY CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH! sorry, you know that's what I think when I see this poem. The fragile people who cant deal with big questions like whether to live for yourself or for others. They can't handle it... :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the compliment Maren and most can't handle it like you said Kase. Anyways the reason I said, "everywhere I go, poreclain faces follow" was to symbolize how thoughtout the world people are everywhere you turn or look, basically, to set the setting and mood for the poem.
ReplyDeleteI love this poem!! Its brilliant, because porcelain perfectly represents everything you were trying to represent, about beauty and fragility. The last two lines remind me of this quote or something by m.c.escher, about beautiful flowers in a vase... although I can't exactly remember what the quote was....
ReplyDeleteI really love the consistency of the imagery early on...porcelain faces...painted...fragments, all good strong images and words that make the reader think of fine pottery etc, but this imagery is absent in the last part of the poem. I think it would be a stronger piece if you would add some lines with that same imagery and word choice or replace some of the later lines with lines that have the same thought and tone, but with that word choice and imagery like fine china, pottery etc
ReplyDeleteI edited the poem from,"... do the unforgiving secrets lie..." to, "The foundations of imperfections lie, Leisurely expanding the cracks of shattered china..." Comments on the changes, likes or dislikes?
ReplyDeleteHmmm, I love the line, "The foundations of imperfections lie..." It's so pretty and descriptive, nice job, Elise! :)
ReplyDelete