What is wrong with you?
Everything you do repulses me.
The way you walk into the classroom with your "swagger"
Your identity is not convincing.
Why don't you just be yourself,
instead of this idiot person that you look like.
You are such a player,
walking around tearing apart girls hearts like they are nothing.
I'm happy I never fell for your stupid act,
but some of my friends weren't so lucky.
Can you please just look in the mirror,
and realize how hideous you look?
Then I might respect you.
But it won't be easy.
I love your poem! You can see all the REAL emotion put into it and the point you got across to the readers. By the way if this is based off your real life experience then I can only hope that this guy eventually gets the point that he's not cool, and it's not fooling anyone anymore.
ReplyDeleteNice poem! It has a very distinct tone, obviously because its from real experiences. I like your word choice, too.
ReplyDeleteThis pome is very raw, emotional...I love the tone. The only thing I would say is that it lacks any imagery to match the tone, so while the reader feels the emotion, there is no sensory input to leave us with a lasting impression...try some figurative language etc
ReplyDeleteI like this poem a lot. It has an interesting tone, and there is a lot of emotion. Also since this can probrably be related to a real expirience, which makes it easier to understand.
ReplyDeleteThis poem is great! I love the tone with has a ton of emotion and it's something every girl or person has gone through. You can really relate to it, and it's a lot easier to understand that way. You should try some writing tricks, like a hyperbole would go good in this poem.
ReplyDeleteThanks guys :) Yeah it is about someone that I know that really bothers me...I agree it would be better if I used figurative language.
ReplyDeleteThis is really good! I think a lot of girls can relate to it. I agree how you should add some figurative language but it is still really good!
ReplyDelete