Falling, descending, crashing. Those are the only words that run through my head as I lose all my senses. I cannot see, hear, taste, or feel anything. When I finally am aware of my surroundings I mutter, "Jake, Kyle?" I just want them to be okay. Jake and Kyle are my friends that went on this airplane journey with me to the Rockies.
"Mhm..." I hear Kyle reply.
"Kyle! Are you okay, are you hurt, are you with Jake?" I cannot see anything. My eyes are open but some part of the jet is blocking my view. I manage to exit the plane, somehow. The first thing I see is a pool of blood, which I follow straight up to Jake's temple. I drag him from under the wing. "Jake, just please stay with me, everything is going to be fine." I manage. His eyes open slowly. At that same moment, I see a hand twitch coming from under the other wing. I prop up Jake and sprint towards Kyle. I do not know if I can tend to both of them at the same time.
"Kyle...." The whole plane is resting on top of him, as heavy as the whole universe put together. There is no way I can get him out. Not with the one million pound brick on top of him. I feel his pulse on his wrist. God has done the job for me because his wrist is staying the same level. He is dead. I cannot let it effect me right now because I need to tend to Jake. I rush over as fast as a cheetah. I shudder at the sight of his eyes frozen over and frostbite at his fingertips. "Do not leave me," I whisper. How could this have happened in the two minutes I was tending to Kyle? I feel guilty. I dread it but I need to feel his pulse, so I press my fingers to his wrist. Nothing. I am now left alone in the middle of the Rockies.
This story reminds me of another story my language arts teacher read us last year. I thought it was an okay story. I think you could have described and elaborated on the scene more and how you felt more. Other than that, it was a pretty good story.
ReplyDeleteI thought this story was pretty good. But I agree with Devin, you could have elaborated a little more. Also, this is a great idea for a longer story...maybe even a novel. But I liked how you started the story with falling, descending, crashing. That hooked me in. Well done!
ReplyDeleteyeah i read a story like this last year too...but if kyle was dead how did me answer you when you called his name? i didnt get that part.
ReplyDeleteWell Dani, he answered before he died. It was kind of implied. haha! He didn't die right away.
ReplyDeleteI think you did a good job on this story, you might want to think of making it a little longer then what it is now. But overall you did a good job.
ReplyDelete