Thursday, January 27, 2011

Excavater

The submarine's alarms blared. It was chaos. Sailors were running about, people were screaming, some were simply praying. There had been a breach in the outer "unbreakable armor". Nothing is ever unbreakable. As co-captain of the U.S.S. Excavater, it was my duty to save these people. It was my duty to put their lives before my very own. I started shouting orders, pushing buttons, and clearing my thoughts. Nobody was listening though. They were busy with their own matters. Matters of family and faith. Even i couldn't comprehend the words coming from my mouth. It was like my inner private thoughts were being sucked into a vacuum of panic. All i knew was that we were 15 miles off the coast of Greenland on a "simple" archeology mission. This was not on the agenda.
"My family is waiting for me at home." i thought. This time my thought was crystal clear in my head. I can't let all of these people down, my co-workers, my friends. I sprang to life with new found hope ordering everyone to put on a life vest. Thankfully they understood my order. Six orange life vests including my own, bustled around the cabin.
Luckily, we had just stared to descend when the water breached meaning that we were only about fifty to one hundred below the surface. "Get in the pod!" i screamed. I gave up on pushing the buttons on the controls, knowing they would not do anything. Once the water fully peirced the armor, we were all dead. i pulled on my life vest and dove inside the pod just as the automatic door slammed shut. everyone was here. Someone, somewhere in the sea of limbs that was the pod. pushed the launch button. We jolted away from the sub in our pod just as the first drop of water penetrated the armour. The preassure crushed it instanly like a tin can but we were already far away jetting thoruigh the ocean. Now we had the unforgiving arctic sea to deal with.

3 comments:

  1. Nice job Ant. I really liked this story because it was an interesting topic that left you wanting to read on and there was ann effective use of figurative language. For example, in the text you used many examples of similies. Therefore your use of figurative language and interesting topic made this a well writen piece. Nice job.

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  2. Good job Ant this story is really good because it is action packed and suspenseful. For example I did not know what was going to happen when you wrote that noone was listening to his commands. I thought that some of the men were not going to make it so it.made me question what was going to happen. Therfore this is good because it is action packed and suspenseful

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  3. Good job anthony. I liked this story because it was suspenseful and you used figurative language. Such as when you said "It was like my inner private thoughts were being sucked into a vacuum of panic." This was a good simile and helped to explain what was going on. Also you ended off with "Now we had the unforgiving arctic sea to deal with." This was a very suspenseful closing and it really made me want you to write more. Therefore, since you had a good simile and a suspenseful ending that made me want you to write more, this was a good writing piece.

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