“Ding, dong!” The doorbell rang at the adoption home. A pale gray haired woman that looked like she was 100 opened the door. “Come in” she said in a scratchy old voice.
In walked a little girl and a young woman. They sat in a rickety rusty red bench in the foyer of the building and waited for their name to be called.
It seemed like days before they were called into a wide white and wild room filled with kids of all ages. The women bent down to the little girl and said, “This is where you will be staying until I come and get you. Please be a good girl while I am gone.” The little girl fell into the woman’s arms and stayed there like they were stuck together with glue.
It was the woman who finally broke the hug and said, “Goodbye Susie.” They both burst into tears like it was the end of the world. The women walked worriedly toward the door. The door creaked open with a laugh as if it was taunting little Susie. A river rolled down Susie’s face as the door slammed shut. “Goodbye Mommy” she whispered, somehow knowing she would never see her mom again.
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ReplyDeleteThis was a great story because of the imagery. There were several examples of imagery in this piece. Therefore, the fantastic detail makes this story interesting
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ReplyDeleteThis was good story because it had good description. For example, you included a lot of figurative language, such as a metaphor, smilies, and alliterations. "The little girl fell into the woman's arms and stayed there like they were stuck together with glue." This was an example of a simile. Good description and figurative language make the story more interesting and effective. Therefore, it was a good story.
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ReplyDeleteThis story was pretty interesting. I like your alliteration when you said "Rickety rusty red...." This figurative language makes stories interesting and fun to read. I also like your lead. That was also pretty good. The lead you have tells the setting of the story too. Nice piece.
ReplyDeleteThis story was alright. I don't know why but I feel as if I've read something similar to this. But, otherwise I liked how you made your characters emotions every detailed the people reading this can tell how the characters felt.
ReplyDeleteI liked this story because of the instincts and emotions of Susie. Susie is not old enough to understand what her mother is doing to her although her instincts tell her that she isn't going to see her mother again. Susie's instincts are realistic which provides a sense of relation for readers to the story. This connection gives a subconscious liking feeling to the reader.
ReplyDeleteI thought this was a good piece of literature because she uses a lot of descriptive words. For example a sentence she used was they sat in a rickety rusty red bench in the foyer of the building and waited for their name to be called and it seemed like days before they were called into a wide white and wild room filled with kids of all ages. Therefore, the use of descriptive language makes this literature effective.
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ReplyDeleteI thought this was a good story because of the figurative language like what Bella said. For example, in the story Jenna says, "The both burst into tears like it was the end of the world." This is one of the many pieces of figurative language put into this story. Therefore, with all of the figurative language in this story, it was really good.
ReplyDeleteI thought this was a really descriptive piece because of the figurative language. For example, "A pale gray haired woman that looked like she was 100 opened the door." This made the piece more descripive because it is easier to visualize how old the woman really was. Therefore, the figurative language in Jenna's piece made it more descriptive.
ReplyDeleteThis was a great piece of literature because its use of similies like when it said, "They both burst into tears like its the end of the world" This helped me imagine what the two must have been feeling liuke.Therefore, the simile helped me imagine the story in my head and made it a more discriptive and effective peice of literature.,
ReplyDeleteThis was a good piece of literature. I liked the figurative language you used. For example, you used alliteration by saying the "rickety rusty red." I also liked how you included thoughts and feelings. It made the reader feel the emotions of the main character.
ReplyDeleteThis was a very good piece. There was a strong use of figurative language that helped create a good flow to the piece.
ReplyDeleteThis story is like a book I read, They Cage the animals at Night becuase in both stories a child is sent to an orphanage. In the book I read the boy, Jennings, gets dropped off at an orphanage by him mother.In this story Susie was also dropped off at and orphanage by her mother. This is why the two storys are similar.
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