Tyler Reynolds was always the best at everything, including football. He was the star running back on his team all the way from Pop Warner through high school, but when he reached college at the University of South Carolina there were many better than him. His freshman year he was named the 4th string running back he thought that he had no shot at being successful there.
Since he thought that he had no shot at playing at South Carolina Tyler transferred to Rutgers University where he became the 1st string running back by the end of his sophomore season. Tyler helped Rutgers win the big east championship in his junior season and they went on to win in the Orange Bowl.
Tyler was an amazing running back and expected to be a top 10 draft pick after his senior season. Rutgers was also ranked number 12 in the country but South Carolina was ranked 5th and Tyler felt like he had something to prove this season. Towards the end of the season when Rutgers had already clinched the Big East title and South Carolina clinched a spot in the SEC championship game. And the 2 teams were ranked number 4 and number 5 in the country with Rutgers being number 5, after the conference championship game it was South Carolina number 3 and Rutgers number 4, and they were playing each other in the Fiesta Bowl.
After the bowl game Tyler Reynolds was all they talked about on sports center because he had 178 rushing yards and 3 touchdowns in a 28-24 win for Rutgers. And Tyler again felt that he was on top of the world and that nobody could stop him.
This story wasn't that good because you told the story to the readers and didn't show them but other wise everything was good so if you showed and didn't tell it would have been a really good story.
ReplyDeleteI think this story is on the right track. It could be imroved by adding diologe and describing more events that occur during Rutgers career. Add some more creativity and this good story can be great.
ReplyDeleteI think this story can be improved. Like Jeff said, you can show, not tell. Describing the thoughts and feelings of the character, or adding dialogue can make it more interesting. Also, adding any writing tricks or figurative language could make it better as well.
ReplyDeleteI think that this story could be improved because you could use more discription.An example would be rite at the begining,"Tyler Reynolds was always the best at everything, including football. He was the star running back on his team all the way from Pop Warner through high school, but when he reached college at the University of South Carolina there were many better than him." Where you could add description here is what he looked like what his jersey looked like.
ReplyDeleteThe Kid on Top of the World is confusing because sentences aren't clean cut. In the middle of "The Kid on Top of the World" I was lost and had to reread it several times but still didn't understand what was happening. If a reader has to reread part of story it can be very frustrating so it is important to keep what is going on understandable for the reader. Other than that i liked this story it was short but I thought that made it good because it got to the point(if I understood it better).
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