Your team steps out onto the court
While you sit their…grieved
The Doc said you weren’t healthy enough
To play the game you love
So while your team is on the court
You try and wipe your tears on the bench
Saying life isn’t fair
Saying you should be out there
Not here
And you may pray all you want
The Doc’s answer ain’t changing
You’ll still be on that bench tomorrow
And you’ll still have that useless leg
So all you can do is watch
And hope that maybe your prayers will work
That you maybe on that court tomorrow
Instead of sitting on the bench with sorrow
this was a good poem! I especially liked how you ended it with a rhyme, that closed it off well. Other than that, I think the rest of the poem flows nicely too!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this poem. I liked that you always said Doc not doctor I thought the lines were well broken apart such as:
ReplyDeleteSaying you should be out there
Not here
I really liked this poem. I agree with Maren you really made this poem flow smoothly. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI thought this was a good poem. I agree with Maren how this poem flows nicely.
ReplyDeleteI like this, when I first read it, i knew you wrote it, because you can't play basketball. It would have scored a couple more points with my if you had more standing-out rhymes, overall- it was very good.
ReplyDeleteI like this poem. I agree even without much rhyming it still has a good flow. I also agree with marren about how you closed it off well with a rhyme that stood out from the rest of the poem. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI liked this poem a lot. It had strong emotion and tone and also, as the others said, it flowed well. You described your feelings well. I think you could have added some figurative language, to make it more effective, but overall it was a great poem!
ReplyDeleteI liked this poem a lot I like how the poem flowed smoothly. But i especially love how you made the end rhyme.
ReplyDeleteGood job :)
This was very impressive because you were able to connect it to your life and still make it sound good. I loved all the rhyming and the emotion. One of the only things I think might make this better is to add more figurative language and not make it a little less obvious to what the poem was about because poems are usually confusing although it is very easy for someone to connect to.
ReplyDeleteThis poem is really good! It connects to people and if you play sports, you know what Matt is talking about. It could use figurative language, but overall i really liked it. Good use of tone!
ReplyDeleteNice poem. you made it flow really well even though that it doesn't rhyme. Yeah I agree with Julia that maybe some figurative Language will do the trick and maybe a specific sensory detail also. And your tone was fantastic! Good job.
ReplyDeleteI liked this poem. It had a nice flow to it and had a sad tone to it and that made it effective. I can't really connect to this much because I never had an injury that kept me from doing what I do, but I know a lot of people who can.
ReplyDeleteI think that this poem is very well writen becasue it is really easy to connect to. An example of this would be how the boy in the poem is sitting on the bench while every on else is playing on his team which makes it realy easy to connect to becasue most people that play sports have probley gotten injured and had to stay out of the game.Therefore this peace is realy easy to connect to because it talks about how people get injured and have to stay out of the game.
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