The court is where amazing happens,
A player throws the ball up,
And lands in his teammates hand,
So he throws it through the net…
BOOM! An explosion happens,
It starts an earthquake,
It starts amazing.
A player shoots the ball,
But the opposing player follows him,
Waiting for his moment to pounce,
And when he does,
He swats the ball like it’s a fly,
It starts a roar throughout the stands,
It starts amazing.
On the court,
Good and bad things happen,
But that’s not the point,
The point of the court,
Is there is always something amazing happening.
This poem was interesting to read, but it could have been better. It lacked the word choice that it should have had. For example, you could have used words like chucks and ignites instead of "throws" or "starts." Therefore, the poem needed some better words to make the images clearer to the reader. The idea is there, but it needs better word choice to persuade the reader that you really think that the basketball court is amazing.
ReplyDeletePeersonally, I liked this poem from the repetition and topic. Since I like to play basketball, the topic instantly hooked me. Also, the repetition of the word "amazing" kept the poem from feeling dull. There are things that need some work, like the theme, but overall I liked this piece.
ReplyDeleteI liked this poem because it showed a lot of imagery. For example, when you said, "A player throws the ball up, and lands in his teammates hand, so he throws it through the net…" everyone can imagine that scene in their minds. Therefore, this poem can be imagined from the beginning to the end.
ReplyDeleteI like how you used some figurative language, but you could use a little more showing and not telling. For example, "A player throws the ball up,
ReplyDeleteAnd lands in his teammates hand,
So he throws it through the net…" This was pretty much listing what the player was doing. I think you could have described it more so the reader could create a vivid image. Also, the simile: "He swats the ball like it’s a fly," could be improved. It could be more descriptive like: "He swats the ball away as if its an annoying fly circling around his head." Overall, you just need some more description and this could be a very entertaining poem.
This was a good poem but it could have been better. You used some imagery in the poem which was good but you needed to use some writing tricks. There are some spots you could have put some figurative language in there, and it would have made the poem much better. Therefore if you work on this poem and add some stuff in it could be very good.
ReplyDeleteWhile this poem had some imagery, this poem can be improved by showing and not telling. For example, you said, "Good and bad things happen," but that is not an image that the reader can visualize. You need to show a good thing happening, rather than telling about one. And the same thing with the bad things. Since you told and not showed at some parts, this poem can be improved so that the reader can imagine it.
ReplyDeleteThis poem was okay, I really enjoyed the theme and the last stanza in general, however it could be improved by adding more imagery, instead of telling what is going on. In the poem it says, "A player throws the ball up, And lands in his teammates hand, So he throws it through the net…" These few lines are not examples of imagery. You had a lot of lines like this, where you could have described the scene a lot more by using alliteration, creative word choice, and lots of detailed descriptions. Therefore, there were definitely some things about this poem which i liked, such as the theme, however I think there were some areas were good sensory imagery was lacking.
ReplyDeleteI liked this poem, and I liked how you wrote about something that seems to interest you, which I'm guessing would be basketball. Although, you could have used more figurative language and showed what you were trying to say, not tell. Overall, you just need to improve of a few things and this could be a really great poem!
ReplyDeleteI thought this poem was really good, because it had good repetition and the topic is obviously something that you love, so it was good because it really connected to you and anyone who really likes basketball as much as you do.
ReplyDelete