For the longest time
it was me and the fog.
My two feet
paving the path,
finding the trail,
leading me on,
into the abyss.
For the longest time
it was me and my heart.
My inner instinct
mapping the march,
searching for hope,
praying for light,
within the darkness.
Then I found it,
the stream of light
falling from the sky.
But when I reached inside
I discovered
reality.
it was me and the fog.
My two feet
paving the path,
finding the trail,
leading me on,
into the abyss.
For the longest time
it was me and my heart.
My inner instinct
mapping the march,
searching for hope,
praying for light,
within the darkness.
Then I found it,
the stream of light
falling from the sky.
But when I reached inside
I discovered
reality.
Rainbows are cold.
Wow! This was another great poem. I really like how a the end you said " but when i reached inside i discovered reality, rainbows are cold." This had a great message and theme. Keep writing.
ReplyDeleteI really liked this poem because well what i think you are trying to say is things may look really great on the outside. for example it may look like some people have everything but when you really get to know them they have problems you might have never guessed.
ReplyDeleteI really liked this poem because I wasn't expecting the ending. You started off saying how you were alone and looking for a light and then you find it but it isn't what you were expecting. I think a lot of thing could be compared to this like gabby said things look different on the outside but can be really different once you get to know them. Therefore things aren't always what you are expecting just like the end of this poem. Great poem!
ReplyDeleteI really liked this poem because of the ending and the message that I got out of it which was sometimes you look for the light in people but when you think you find the goodness and wholeheartedness of that person they turn their back on you. Another reason that I really liked this was because like Kim said in the beginning your searching for the light but then when you finally find it its not what your expected and as you said its cold. Great poem!
ReplyDeleteI can barely see the yellow,so that ruins the flow. But you had a good clinching line and that sums up the message that i saw in this poem that not everything is as good as it looks. The message is a true one and I think you did well showing that in this poem by using things other than typical examples of this message.
ReplyDeleteI loved this poem! I think it was a really creative idea, and a surprising ending. For example, throughout the poem, it seems like it is someone who is carefree and living in a fantasy world because you said "My two feet
ReplyDeletepaving the path, finding the trail, leading me on," And then at the end, it says "But when I reached inside, I discovered reality." Therefore, I liked the ending, and the theme as well. It is saying how reality and life in general isn't a simple fantasy world.
First off, I love the colour scheme and how it starts to fade out. Also I like the message that you were trying to convey, about how sometimes people keep on trying and keep on living in search for something that doesn't exist.
ReplyDeleteThis poem has very good rhythm because of the aliteration. "paving the path" and "mapping the march" make it flow very well. Therefore it is very easy to read and has good flow.
ReplyDelete