A wall of water pours out of my eyes like water out of a faucet.
The words are formidable and hit me like a brick wall.
"Your not good enough. You can't do it."
My teeth clench, my face turns red.
I can feel my insides increase in temperature.
I strain my throat screaming back,
"Yes I can. Just watch me."
You walk away in disgust.
I continue to sob and you can care less.
Later, I apologize for something I didn't do to keep the peace.
God forbid something tragic happened and i lost you while I was angry with you.
I try to give you hug. And what do I get in return? A pat on the back.
My heart sinks. I hold my breath to keep the tears in.
How can you be that shallow?
I try to keep myself together.
I will forgive. But I will never forget.
I think this was a good poem because it is relatable. This poem was about a person who apologizes for something they didn't do just so that they could remain friends with someone. I know that I have been in that situation many times before. One time my friend got mad at me for something I never did and instead of trying to defend myself I told her that I was sorry just so that we could go back to the way things were before. Therefore, this poem can be considered effective literature because it is relatable.
ReplyDeleteI would have to agree with Devon; this was terrific because of how relatable it could be. I also loved the simile in the first line of the poem ("A wall of water pours out of my eyes like water out of a faucet.") because such a great image can be taken from it! For example, as I was sitting there, taking this poem line by line, it always came back to a lonely girl sobbing her little eyes out. Therefore, your poem was very relatable and it had great imagery because of that simile.
ReplyDeleteI loooved this poem! I definitely agree with Zoe and Devin..this poem is really relatable to anyone who has been told that they arent good enough, or can't do something. For example you said, "Your not good enough. You can't do it."
ReplyDeleteMy teeth clench, my face turns red.
I can feel my insides increase in temperature." I really liked the descriptive language you used throughout the poem! Therefore, I liked the fact that you made the poem very universal and relatable to anyone!
This was good!! I don't know if it was meant to be about a certain time this happened to you, but I can defiantly say I've been in that situation, I think we all have. The situation where your mind and heart are confused and you forgive the person just to keep peace-even though the problem isn't solved. Good poem, and all I can say to improve it would be to work on the rhythm a bit, but other than that great!
ReplyDeleteI really liked this poem! It is definitaly relatable because many people apoligize for things they have done even though they did nothing wrong. I agree with Maren when she says to work on the rythm a little but everything else was great.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Devin this piece was great because anyone can connect with it. Everyone has a stubborn freind who alsways have to get their way and then you have to just suck it up and say they are right just so they will not hate you. One time I had people over and one of them made a mess but when my mom asked who did it they would say it was them so I just said it was me because I did not want to not be their freind. Therefore it is easy to relate to because everyone has been with someone who always are stuborn and have things go their way making it a great story.
ReplyDeleteI loved this poem because like everyone said it was very relatable and the emotions of the character were also described well so it helped me get inside of their head. In the poem you wrote, "Later, I apologize for something I didn't do to keep the peace.
ReplyDeleteGod forbid something tragic happened and i lost you while I was angry with you." I have made up with people who did not even deserve my apology some many times just because of that one thought. Therefore, I think this poem was great because it was descriptive and relatable.
Amazing poem, as everyone has been saying, it is very relatable to how everyone feels when they are told that they can't do something. And then when you say, "Later, I apologize for something i didnt do to keep the peace," It matches the feeling that people have when they are angry with someone and just want to be happy with them again. Therefore, because of its relatability and it strong emotions, it is a very good poem.
ReplyDeleteI like this poem because it is relatable. It says, "'Yes I can. Just watch me.'" I like this because at one point or another, we've all been told we couldn't do something. Whether we could or couldn't, we didn't believe them and tried anyways. I've done that before so that's why I liked this poem.
ReplyDeleteThis was a good poem because it had great description. For example, in the poem it said, "A wall of water pours out of my eyes like water out of a faucet." I thought that this was a good similie because you can picture how this person is crying. Also, this sentence makes the poem flow better. Therefore, I liked this poem because it was very descriptive and it flowed well.
ReplyDeleteI loved reading this poem because of the strong emotion it had to it and great discription like Kelly mentioned. The whole time I was reading this, I could really imagine what the character might be going through and how she felt during that. Not that I have experienced that before, but just the way Caroline decided to put the descriptions together and in the right order. The first line stating, "A wall of water pours out of my eyes like water out of a faucet." This really shows how much this character was upset about the whole situation. The discription helped show the strong emotion throughout the story. Therefore, I really liked reading this poem and thought it was very well written.
ReplyDeleteThis poem is good because it relates to real life. I also thought it was good that you used figuritive language. therefore i like this poem because it connected to real life and had good figurative language
ReplyDeleteThis was really good Caroline. Im wondering does the legitament shape of the poem have to do with anything? I liked the vocal word in there! Also it was good because of all the emotion. You had a nice simile in the beginning and a fabulous clincher. Therefore, you did a nice job!
ReplyDeleteThis was a fantastic poem and I really enjoyed reading it because it had a strong finish. For example the ending was "I will forgive. but I will never forget." Personally, I feel that it wraps the entire meaning up so well. Therefore the inner meaning of the poem was expressed and gathered well so this was a great poem!
ReplyDeleteI think this was an excellent poem because of the strong emotion and finish. For example, "My heart sinks. I hold my breath to keep the tears in.
ReplyDeleteHow can you be that shallow?
I try to keep myself together.
I will forgive. But I will never forget." This was an excellent ending because it was powerful and really moved me as an audience. Therefore, the last line of the poem puts the story together and the emotion carried through that is strong, which makes this a great poem.
This is great piece of writing because it has writing tricks, strong emotion, and also connects to real life. For example, a writing trick is "A wall of water pours out of my eyes like water out of a faucet." Which is a simile. An example of strong emotion is, "How can you be that shallow?" and it connects to real life because a lot of people have their minds and hearts confused, like in this poem. Therefore, this was an excellent poem because it has writing tricks, emotion, and its relate able.
ReplyDeleteI thought that this was a great piece because it had good writing tricks. For example, "hit me like a brick wall" is a good simile. I liked that you used good word choice like, formidable. I agree with julia, i thought that this piece had really strong emotion and it was really relatable.
ReplyDeleteI really liked this piece mainly because, like many other said, this is a relatable piece. My favorite part of this would be when you said, "The words are formidable and hit me like a brick wall." Because it shows you that somethings people say can really affect you or hit you really hard and it was also a great simile. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteI really like this poem because most people can agree with this. By alot of things like the emotion of it. Also it had good description in it. Therefore, overall this was a great piece.
ReplyDeleteThat was an excellent poem!!! And I agree with many of the people who commented on it, it is very relatable...I think I actually did that today, apologize to someone for nothing. I also like the ending, "I will forgive. But I will never forget."
ReplyDelete