slipping... slipping.... can i keep holding on? faster... faster... someone save me falling... falling... will i live? landing... landing... am i ok? slowly... slowly... what's happening? drifting... drifting... what is this feeling? leaving... leaving... where am i? darkness....... forever........
I thought that this piece was okay. It had good repetition for effect. I thought that there could have been more writing tricks. For example, faster...faster than a cloud in a storm... someone save me, and more.
ReplyDeletei thought this piece was pretty good alot of good repetition for effect you can also interpret this poem in different ways i thought this person was being pushed off a building or maybe so depressed about something they are falling deeper and deeper into their sadness
ReplyDeleteThis is a good piece of writing becasue it has good alliteration. It made me wonder what was happening. At first I thought you were falling off of a horse because you love horses. It is good to make the reader wonder. Good ending.
ReplyDeleteI thought that this poem was very suspensful. it had great action movements in it and it kept me reading it more. There was alliteration in this poem which also made this good. Other writing tricks could have made this to a terriffic writing piece. Therefore, this poem was okay with what it has so far, but could use different kinds of tricks to make it even better.
ReplyDeletethanks guys. i didnt rly try so thats why its so bad. :)
ReplyDeleteI like this a lot. I have to admit, while i was reading this i thought you were going to end with the poem meaning love but I actaully like your ending a lot better.
ReplyDelete